Parenting

Are You Setting Your Child up for Failure? by Leigh Butler Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it. Proverbs 22:6 No matter what the age of your child, as a parent, you should be preparing him for his future. By preparing him for his future, I mean instilling the values and behaviors in him that will ensure his success as an adult. If you are not doing this you are setting your child up for failure. Agents of Socialization The family is a child's primary agent of socialization, especially in the early years before the child enters school. Upon entering school a child is immersed in his peer culture. He spends the majority of the day with his peers who become very important agents of socialization from this point forward. As a child grows older the peer culture becomes more important and is a more influential part of his life. The family continues to be the primary agent of socialization. However, the values, behaviors, and expectations of the family have to compete with other agents of socialization, especially peers, as a child matures. Other agents of socialization include but are not limited to school, church, and the media. Undesired Behavior Parents often wonder why their child exhibits undesired behavior. Behavior is learned. If a child is exhibiting undesired behavior he learned it from an agent of socialization. What if a child exhibits an undesired behavior that is contrary to the values and behaviors the parents have instilled? We all would like to think that once we have instilled a value or behavior in our child, it is there for eternity, and we don't have to worry about it ever again. However, this is not a perfect world. Throughout childhood you will have to positively reinforce values and behaviors that are in line with what you have instilled and negatively reinforce values and behaviors that are not in line with what your have instilled. When you use positive reinforcement you are strengthening what you have already taught. When you use negative reinforcement you are extinguishing undesired behaviors that have been learned from other agents. The values and behaviors you have taught your child will be in competition with those of other agents if the other agents do not share the same values and behaviors as your family. Sometimes your child may learn and exhibit these alternative values and behaviors. That is why positive and negative reinforcement is necessary. When a child becomes an adult he exhibits those values and behaviors learned during childhood. If your child does not have an arsenal of values and behaviors instilled in him that is conducive to success then one of two things usually happens. First, he may experience an unstable adulthood. In this scenario, life experiences become his teacher. He learns proper values and behaviors from trial and error where the result he gets from life itself becomes a positive or negative reinforcer. He may or may not reach the point where he becomes successful. Or, second, he becomes an all out failure. In this scenario, he accepts being a failure as way of life. He sees that he does not have the proper arsenal of values and behaviors for success and makes no attempt to acquire them. Lifetime failure becomes both inevitable and inescapable. So, how do you ensure your child's success as an adult? You follow Proverbs 22:6 which says, "Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it." Instill in your child the values and behaviors you know he will need in the future. Then you can rest - assured that although your child is influenced by other agents, and may depart from what you have taught him at some point, ultimately he will return to that which was first instilled in him. __________________________ Copyright Leigh Butler. Leigh Butler is an Educational Consultant, Author, and Trainer. She operates Education Aids, a web site dedicated to bringing the best-of-the-breed knowledge resourc  Author Profile

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